“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”― Mark Twain

Dear Loved Ones-

Of course, I was waiting to update all of you lovely friends with some good holiday cheer and gifts. But not this year for “Timing is Everything.” This holiday season is now going to be further uprooted. As of quick changes, I will be recovering from a major brain surgery now pushed up to TWO days before Thanksgiving. SERIOUSLY? 

Yes, OK, OK. Let me back up….

As you may have heard, my Cancer treatment has changed. I’ve tried many treatments and even tried to save enough energy for family events. Even after my family and I enjoyed our recent Disney Cruise vacation (See photos below), I still had some issues with my health which slowed me down. Nothing is working. My Dr was scared for me and my next surgical plans were moved forward, to before the New Year. 

Also, another bad note is that I’ve just started completely lacking energy and my speech is doubtful, at times. So,  I’m searching for correct words in conversations. Which for this actor, is crazy. And I am still sleeping through the whole afternoon. 

Long time naps with not as much energy. 

And for the first time, I am finally to feel that I am unable to do as much as I want to in life. No energy=not easy. Sleeping naps and physical exhaustion.

This all make me feel hopeless and heartless, every day, which is why I will having prescribed Surgery because I am serving in this Clinical Trial that I’ve qualified for. Hopefully, things will improve over-all. Conversational skills, my Energy and health overall will improve. For the time being. But things had to move up because of my health….

Which means I will be spending Turkey Day in the Hospital.  

Imagine that for ONE Second!

What a change in life! Dudes, I’ve NEVER heard of someone spending a major holiday in hospital. And it feels weird and ominous and leans weirdness around one of my favorite holidays: Old people eating turkey on Turkey Day. 

So, despite my crazy speech and lack of energy. I am still grateful to all your love and support. And from the quote that started us today: I am NOT ready to go. I am afraid and dealing with an ever-changing life. I am afraid but not prepared at all…But with no choice, a clinical trial for the holiday and my surgery continues.

Love to you all, with my Fear and Life.

Clayton Hodges